BEING DUTCH IS NOT ENOUGH. NOT IN INTERNATIONAL BANKING.
When I walk down the hall in my Grandparents house, the walls are lined with dead person after dead person just....staring at me. Is that the same with everyone? It freaks me out.
I bought some socks today. But do not be mistaken, they are not just ANY old socks. They have BAKED BEANS on them. A pair with BAKED BEANS and a pair with JELLY BEANS. I know, I know, you WISH you had my socks.
Ah, Grans and their conspiracy theories. Mine, for example, believes that the people at PC world are out to get us all. She was awfully rude to Jason and lets not even mention Tom, who was impossibly charming and who bore an uncanny resemblance to Michael McIntyre. He was like a far less annoying and much more computer savvy version of him.
PLEASE do not have your five a day.
If we all ate our five a day, 7000 fewer people in the UK would die from heart disease every year. A further 4,700 from cancer and 3,400 from stroke. Yeah that'd be great in a perfect world, but what about the coffin companies? The funeral people places and the organ players (and organ receivers)? And don't even get me started on the queues we'd have. We're just better off without those 15,100 people. We'll miss them sure but c'mon, they've overstayed their welcome here.
And now for a book review;
"The Soap Man" By Roger Hutchinson.
An excerpt from this inspirational Biography: "They are modest remembrances of the fathers of these enduring townships, but they are more than was ever anticipated. Such address to the people of Lewis, were looking for no testimonial and had in prospect no reward other than this: the security of their children's children at peace on the soil of their island."
A quote from a delighted reader of The Soap Man: "I've never read anything this boring in my life. 5 STARS!" -Kriz McGiz
That's not much of a reward, the security of their children's children, is it? I mean what if they never have children? Or their children and their partners decide they want to lead the kind of lifestyle parents can't have- with lots of holidays and stuff, and have a childless marriage? And even if they DID have kids, who then had kids, would this "Soap man" reeeeally care about them?? I'm sure they'd be great people and all but he will never actually get to know them so he can, in good conscience, damn their future, safe in the knowledge that he'll be tucked up in his coffin long before these hypothetical children can complain about it. Finally, it says "on the soil of their island" BUT WHAT IF THEY MOVE? There's really not much happening in Lewis these days and Glasgow is lovely this time of year.
I recently rediscovered some old Spanish sayings, and they are rather funny so I thought I'd share them with you:
-The expression for "Something ain't right in Spanish" is: "Hay un gato encerrado aqui." (Someone has buried a cat here...)
- He's a bit weird is "Tiene pajaros en su cabeza" (He has bats in his brain.... or bird brain)
- In trouble is "Entre la pared y la espada" (Between the sword and the wall... can be used for all occasions)
- As white as a sheet is "Blanco como una pared" (White as a wall- WHAT IF YOUR WALL IS YELLOW??)
I also rediscovered some old report cards from primary school, and there was one thing in particular that made me laugh.
P.E: "Cara really enjoys and excells in P.E lessons and always participates with enthusiasm." "Cara enjoys P.E and works well in groups." And the best one: "Cara takes great enjoyment out of P.E and can jump and land safely"
I regret to inform you I lost my jumping skills, now when I land there's no telling what will happen....
The report card from P4 also says that my age is "8.9" which is a little strange.
I'm also less than happy to tell you that as I write this there is a photo of a middle aged bald man staring at me. In fact, he's everywhere! There's three pictures of him! I'm getting out of here....
