You may think you're careful enough... you might think you're safe.... you might even think you could fight them off. But you CAN'T. They are TOO STRONG.
They will find you, and they will eat your feet. They work together, Vanessa's the brains and Brick is the braun. If you're still unsure, just look for the two swans in sunglasses and headpieces.
IF you are stupid enough to walk right up to them, I find it's best not to do so in socks and pajamas at 5 in the morning when you are in a very excitable state and under the influence of Shark.
I am thinking of getting a tattoo on my arm of a shark swimming in a sea of shark (as in the drink), because I LOOOOVE shark. (Even though, really, that stuff should be illegal)
I recently discovered that my musical genius is always at its very best in the early hours of the morning. Is that just me? Or did everyone already know about this?
I've been doing the 30 day photo challenge for the past week or so, and one of the recent questions was "what do you wish you could forget" or something similar.....
Now, I didn't want to sound like an idiot so I said all the embarrassing things I've done over the years. That is completely untrue because first of all, some of the humiliating things I have done are incredibly funny in retrospect; and second of all, I wouldn't want to forget anything.
It's the good thing AND the bad things that make us who we are. When you are young and you burn your finger because you touched fire (yes, we've all done it), you learn NOT to touch fire anymore. Because lets face it, when someone tell you not to do something you just have to do it. And that is how you learn. Obviously, as you go through life it's less about touching fire and things are a little more complicated. Like, for example, the other day when I spilled tea on the carpet and it took me ages to get out. Now I know I probably shouldn't do that again. I feel like the experience really taught me something important about life.
"Wooden floors are more convenient if you are a tea drinker"
So I don't want to forget that I spilled that tea, I want to remember it forever. And then, someday, when I'm carpet shopping I'll sat to myself "CARA. What the jibber jab are you doing? It's a wooden floor you'll be wanting." And THAT, my friends is why I never want to forget anything- even the traumatic stuff like tea stains.
Finally, does ANYONE know who it is taking the pictures of planes in flight? It's creeping me out now....
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Saturday, 19 March 2011
Chaquanda- The tale of a Black woman trapped in a White man's body.
So let me tell you about my best girlfriend in the world, Chaquanda. Basically, Quanda is a sassy Black woman trapped in a the body of a white man. We're hoping it'll all work out for her, because she is wasted as a white man.
You know what I really hate? When something exciting or distressing happens, and people tell me to "Breathe". I GENERALLY TEND TO BREATHE AS MUCH AS I POSSIBLY CAN, THANKYOU. If I ever find myself in a position where I have forgotten to breathe and need someone to remind me- You will be the first to know. But, for now, please do restrain yourself!
OOOOOH David Tennant is on comic relief!!!! Oh this has made my day. What an awful shirt though. Truly awful, David.
I was going to complain about braces for a while, but watching comic relief it all seems pretty trivial.
Doesn't everyone telling you NOT to drink the water just make you want to drink it??? No? Just me? Okay....
Weeell, that's all I really have to say to y'all. I promised an AMAZING friend of mine i would post a little conversation we had earlier so here's that, don't read it if you don't like boring things:
Me: THANKYOUUUU BABEY BBBZ AWWW THANKS!!!
AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE: ITS AWRITE BABEZZZZ <33333333
AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE: YOU CAN GET A TROPHY THAT SAYS "YOU ARE SOOOOO SWEET BB!!" COZ THATS WHAT U R!!! <333333333333 Xxxxxxxxxx
You know what I really hate? When something exciting or distressing happens, and people tell me to "Breathe". I GENERALLY TEND TO BREATHE AS MUCH AS I POSSIBLY CAN, THANKYOU. If I ever find myself in a position where I have forgotten to breathe and need someone to remind me- You will be the first to know. But, for now, please do restrain yourself!
OOOOOH David Tennant is on comic relief!!!! Oh this has made my day. What an awful shirt though. Truly awful, David.
I was going to complain about braces for a while, but watching comic relief it all seems pretty trivial.
Doesn't everyone telling you NOT to drink the water just make you want to drink it??? No? Just me? Okay....
Weeell, that's all I really have to say to y'all. I promised an AMAZING friend of mine i would post a little conversation we had earlier so here's that, don't read it if you don't like boring things:
Me: THANKYOUUUU BABEY BBBZ AWWW THANKS!!!
Me: AWWWWW *BREAKS DOWN SOBBING* THTS SOOOOOOOOOOO SWEEEET!!!!!!! <33333333333333333333333 ♥ :DDDDDDD
AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE: I JUST WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NIIIIICE FOR U!!!!! :'''''''''))))))))))))) <33333333
Me: AWWWWW I CANT BELIEVE THT AWWWWW NICE THATS AWWWW SO SWEEEET I LOVE THAT YOU DID THAT FOR ME I LOVE THIS THING YOU'RE DOING. LOTS OF LOVE I AM LOVING THIS. <33333333333333 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE: AWWWWWWWW I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE THAT!!!! YOURE SOOOO AMAZIN BABZ!!!!!!!!! Xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Me: AWWWWWW YOU TOOOOO BBZ I JUST WANA MAKE YOU A TROPHY THAT SAYS: "YOU ARE SOOOOOOO AMAZING BBY" CUS YOU AREEEE AND THEN YOU CAN HAVE A TROPHY THAT SAYS IT FOR PROOF <3333333333333333333333333 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE: YOU CAN GET A TROPHY THAT SAYS "YOU ARE SOOOOO SWEET BB!!" COZ THATS WHAT U R!!! <333333333333 Xxxxxxxxxx
Me: AWWWWW IM GNA POST THIS CONVO TO MY BLOG BECAUSE THAT IS HOW UNBELIEVABLY SWEEEEET AND AMAAAAZING YOU ARE. INFACT IM GNA WRITE YOU A SONG ABOUT YOU BEING SO DAMN AMAZING!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE: OMG I CANT BELIEVE HOW SWEET U R!!!! YOU ARE JUST AMAZIN!!!!!! :'))) <3333333333333333333333 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Me: OMYGGGGG THIS IS THE SONG:
"***'S SO AMAZING
SHE'S KINDA LIKE RAISINS
I WISH I COULD KEEP HER IN A JAAAAAR
AND THEN I COULD SHAKE IT WHEN SHE WAS
MEEEAAAAN
AND THEN WE'D BOTH SAY SORRY
AND THEN... LALA LALAAAA"
SHE'S KINDA LIKE RAISINS
I WISH I COULD KEEP HER IN A JAAAAAR
AND THEN I COULD SHAKE IT WHEN SHE WAS
MEEEAAAAN
AND THEN WE'D BOTH SAY SORRY
AND THEN... LALA LALAAAA"
AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE: OMGGGGGGG!!!! U SHOULD T0TALLY RECORD THAT!!!!!! URE SOOOOO AWESOME!!!!! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Me: AWWWWWWWWWWWW THANKS NO MORE THAN YOU BBBZZ AWWWWW GNA GO CRY FOR AWHILE NOW :DDDDDDDDDD xxxxxxxxxxxxxxL
AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE: BUT YOU AREEEEE!!!! ME TOOOO!!!!! :''') <333333333
I apologise if you do not like boring things and you accidentally read all that... I tried to warn you.
P.S. The *s are to hide my AMAZING friend's name cus.... you know... so many pedophile axe-murderers out there read my blog, waiting for me to slip up. But I'm faaar to cunning for them...
Thursday, 17 February 2011
That Chicken. You know the one.
That chicken was suspicious. I don't care what you say, I don't care what anyone says! I was suspicious of IT and IT was suspicions of others of it's kind. The whole experience was entirely suspicious. And it was no ordinary breaded chicken- it was an organized and educated army!
Have you ever hated your French teacher so much that you would like to "tear your arm off just so you would have something to throw at her"? *Listens for response* Me too! And it's only because I'm onto her secret, having found out about her brain eating zombie ways. If she thinks she can throw me off her scent with her enigmatic English accent and her terrifying toupee (another skeleton in her closet), then she's got another thing coming!
Has anyone else ever had that problem where they don't know what to do with their teeth when they're sleeping? You know, when you're lying in bed waiting to fall asleep and then you realise your teeth are clenched really tight and you unclench them but then you don't know where you are supposed to put them- it involves much mouth strainage to keep them sort of hovering apart but you just know you can't go back to clenching them again and then you think to yourself "This is silly... go to sleep" but you are just deceiving yourself because now you can never go back, the experience has changed you- and all you can think about is teeth teeth teeth.... Then when you finally fall into a restless slumber, your dreams are haunted by giant bottles of mouthwash armed with toothpicks and dental floss lassos. I hope you've had that problem because otherwise this is rather embarrassing for me, and perhaps for you- I don't know how easily embarrassed you are.
Could be that you're one of those people who is never embarrassed by anything, even really embarrassing things like falling in mud and having to continue with your school day as if nothing had happened, or headphones accidentally being yanked out of your ipod so that bob the builder is blaring out for everyone to hear, or even asking someone in quite a long winded way whether they have ever experienced something kind of weird and finding out that no, they have not experienced that thing. I envy you because honestly, all of those things would really embarrass me... not that I would be silly enough to let any of them happen to me- just saying.
Have a naaaice February, and many more (which basically means "I hope you don't die between now and next February"... which is true... UNLESS you are a zombie masquerading as a French teacher- Yes Ms Duncan I'm talking to YOU.)
Have you ever hated your French teacher so much that you would like to "tear your arm off just so you would have something to throw at her"? *Listens for response* Me too! And it's only because I'm onto her secret, having found out about her brain eating zombie ways. If she thinks she can throw me off her scent with her enigmatic English accent and her terrifying toupee (another skeleton in her closet), then she's got another thing coming!
Has anyone else ever had that problem where they don't know what to do with their teeth when they're sleeping? You know, when you're lying in bed waiting to fall asleep and then you realise your teeth are clenched really tight and you unclench them but then you don't know where you are supposed to put them- it involves much mouth strainage to keep them sort of hovering apart but you just know you can't go back to clenching them again and then you think to yourself "This is silly... go to sleep" but you are just deceiving yourself because now you can never go back, the experience has changed you- and all you can think about is teeth teeth teeth.... Then when you finally fall into a restless slumber, your dreams are haunted by giant bottles of mouthwash armed with toothpicks and dental floss lassos. I hope you've had that problem because otherwise this is rather embarrassing for me, and perhaps for you- I don't know how easily embarrassed you are.
Could be that you're one of those people who is never embarrassed by anything, even really embarrassing things like falling in mud and having to continue with your school day as if nothing had happened, or headphones accidentally being yanked out of your ipod so that bob the builder is blaring out for everyone to hear, or even asking someone in quite a long winded way whether they have ever experienced something kind of weird and finding out that no, they have not experienced that thing. I envy you because honestly, all of those things would really embarrass me... not that I would be silly enough to let any of them happen to me- just saying.
Have a naaaice February, and many more (which basically means "I hope you don't die between now and next February"... which is true... UNLESS you are a zombie masquerading as a French teacher- Yes Ms Duncan I'm talking to YOU.)
Monday, 10 January 2011
Uh, everyone's probably died in the time between my last blog post and this... but I have an AMAZING excuse.... You understand now? Good, we can move on.
Ahh. I have P.E tomorrow. *Distraught face* As you can see, I am distraught. So... right.
How about I go away and then come back when I have something more interesting to talk about. Or, alternatively, when I have something more interesting to have a good ol' rant about?
Coming sooooon... A compendium of words that should be words but aren't......
Byeeeeeeee, lots of laaaaav
Ahh. I have P.E tomorrow. *Distraught face* As you can see, I am distraught. So... right.
How about I go away and then come back when I have something more interesting to talk about. Or, alternatively, when I have something more interesting to have a good ol' rant about?
Coming sooooon... A compendium of words that should be words but aren't......
Byeeeeeeee, lots of laaaaav
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
The sad tale of a man and his beard.
I am one of those people who has a mirror permanently attached to the the end of their nose- I take it out in class, during meals and even when I'm swimming- it's my thing you see.
This habit has created a lot of tension with my teachers and I because, for some reason unbeknown to me, they don't like it when you are checking your appearance instead of listening to them. My friend Flabby the Edible does have a theory when it comes to mirrors and teachers. Their problem isn't that you aren't paying attention- it's that you can look in the mirror and they can't! Take, for example, my teacher- Mr X- all he wants to do is marvel at the splendour of his multicoloured beard, but he just can't because he is a teacher. So, the next time you're having a nice long look in the mirror and a teacher comes over and ruins your fun, subtly offer them the mirror- I guarantee you will make their day and they will never bother you again.
As I have mentioned before I am boycotting sleep, and now that I am I have plenty of time to think.One of the things that has crossed my mind during the late hours of the night is this- If you try to boycott sleep, you will not last a week. Ignore everything I previously said about the dangers of sleep- do not try and avoid it, your mind will be scrambled.
I accidentally stumbled across a major conspiracy- THE ALPHABET SONG AND TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR..... ARE THE SAME SONG!!! I mean what sort of a world is it that we live in where the classics that we know and love actually turn out all to be the very same song!! Absolutely shocking.
And the Panda went..... doodly do do do do do do do. What on earth is he doing here? I hope he's here to stay.......
I am off for a sandwich now.........
This habit has created a lot of tension with my teachers and I because, for some reason unbeknown to me, they don't like it when you are checking your appearance instead of listening to them. My friend Flabby the Edible does have a theory when it comes to mirrors and teachers. Their problem isn't that you aren't paying attention- it's that you can look in the mirror and they can't! Take, for example, my teacher- Mr X- all he wants to do is marvel at the splendour of his multicoloured beard, but he just can't because he is a teacher. So, the next time you're having a nice long look in the mirror and a teacher comes over and ruins your fun, subtly offer them the mirror- I guarantee you will make their day and they will never bother you again.
As I have mentioned before I am boycotting sleep, and now that I am I have plenty of time to think.One of the things that has crossed my mind during the late hours of the night is this- If you try to boycott sleep, you will not last a week. Ignore everything I previously said about the dangers of sleep- do not try and avoid it, your mind will be scrambled.
I accidentally stumbled across a major conspiracy- THE ALPHABET SONG AND TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR..... ARE THE SAME SONG!!! I mean what sort of a world is it that we live in where the classics that we know and love actually turn out all to be the very same song!! Absolutely shocking.
And the Panda went..... doodly do do do do do do do. What on earth is he doing here? I hope he's here to stay.......
I am off for a sandwich now.........
Saturday, 28 August 2010
Sleep
This is my first blog, so naturally I am going to make it about something exciting-sleep!
Let's face it - we are all hopelessly addicted to sleep. Now, in my opinion, this is a highly dangerous addiction- much more so than your average alcoholic Andy's addiction or Dan the druggie's addiction. Maybe your thinking what's so dangerous about sleeping? or maybe your nodding in agreement right about now, or maybe neither of the above. Well, if it's the second, be ready to nod some more...
1. All the things we worry about during the day are running through our heads when we sleep and we turn them into the scary realities some people call 'dreams', in turn making us even more paranoid when we wake up.
2. Being a teenager, I apparently need 9.28 hours of sleep EVERY day. Seriously, who has time for that? And what is the .28?? minutes?? because if so that is incredibly precise...
3. Okay, be ready to have your mind blown by this next one. WHAT IF WE FORGOT HOW TO SLEEP?? Ever thought about that? What if one night, everyone would be going to bed with their teddies and their footsie pyjamas in place and they just lay there, all night. No one in the world would get ANY sleep and everyone would get very cranky and stomp about with bed head and morning breath. What kind of a world would that be?? (May I just point out that this would not happen all at once, the mayhem would descend later on in exotic places like Benidorm where there is a time difference)
So, now you see. Sleep is a dangerous danger to all of us! And the only solution that I can see is for everyone in the world to boycott sleep.... before it boycotts us..........
Let's face it - we are all hopelessly addicted to sleep. Now, in my opinion, this is a highly dangerous addiction- much more so than your average alcoholic Andy's addiction or Dan the druggie's addiction. Maybe your thinking what's so dangerous about sleeping? or maybe your nodding in agreement right about now, or maybe neither of the above. Well, if it's the second, be ready to nod some more...
1. All the things we worry about during the day are running through our heads when we sleep and we turn them into the scary realities some people call 'dreams', in turn making us even more paranoid when we wake up.
2. Being a teenager, I apparently need 9.28 hours of sleep EVERY day. Seriously, who has time for that? And what is the .28?? minutes?? because if so that is incredibly precise...
3. Okay, be ready to have your mind blown by this next one. WHAT IF WE FORGOT HOW TO SLEEP?? Ever thought about that? What if one night, everyone would be going to bed with their teddies and their footsie pyjamas in place and they just lay there, all night. No one in the world would get ANY sleep and everyone would get very cranky and stomp about with bed head and morning breath. What kind of a world would that be?? (May I just point out that this would not happen all at once, the mayhem would descend later on in exotic places like Benidorm where there is a time difference)
So, now you see. Sleep is a dangerous danger to all of us! And the only solution that I can see is for everyone in the world to boycott sleep.... before it boycotts us..........
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